Affinity Group


Elisabeth Malua: Script writing for screen / theatre

Rose: CW Short Story

My Comment APRIL 30, 2017 AT 9:37 PM

Hi Elisabeth, I like that you have given information on the basic fundamentals of what goes into making a script and have attempted a pretty detailed outline with what you have learnt for the week. For me and probably anyone new and interested to this genre of writing I think that they would find this approach you have taken very useful – in a way we are learning with you. Judging by your criteria you have definitely fulfilled what you have set out to do this week and it’s a great start! I see you have hyperlinked the sources of your info but perhaps you could just cite them anyway so it’s clearer to see where you have found them.

Hi Rosie, just based on the criterias you have set for yourself weekly I was just wondering as to how you have applied what you have learnt from your sources into the work you have developing. Perhaps you could show us in the weeks going forth as to what you have learnt by referring to your sources while developing your work just so I can get a sense of how you have improved. I can see that in week 7 you didn’t meet your criteria that you set out to do, is this because you feel like that you set too much for yourself to do?

elimalua May 2, 2017 at 9:45 am

Your work is thorough and I’m already enjoying your work regarding to the plot and characters as well as the process for developing your settings for a fictional world. I’ll be honest I’m not a fan of reading books with the genre that contains anything about magic – I prefer watching films in that genre like the movie you analysed – Harry Potter. I actually struggled to read the Harry Potter settings. However, even though your setting structure for a fictional world includes magic but in a sense to me it doesn’t feel like magic but instead to me feels like a wild imagination of a little girl – which basically is. I believe this is why I’m genuinely interested in your work and excited to see your project through! I literally have nothing else to note on, as I can clearly see you’re already on top of things. This sounds like a lot of work so keep it up!

My Reply May 15, 2017 at 3:16 am

Hi Elisabeth, definitely finding that research and building my own fictional world is alot of work indeed. But what I have learnt in learning about the creative process of J.K Rowling with Harry Potter that it is important for a writer to know every little detail about their world. She explained that there is some comfort in knowing that the writer knows what they are talking about when introducing their world to a reader and I agree as I think details help to imagine the FW much more clearly. I have to admit that a lot of these explainations may not actually make it into my final product of a short story because it’s not a long novel like that of any Harry Potter novels but hopefully the essence of this FW I’m developing will come through in the end.

Looks like you have put in a lot of ground work, which is great. I’m looking forward to reading your story. I notice you haven’t posted anything for Week 8 yet… be careful not to get too far behind!

My Reply May 15, 2017 at 3:37 am

Thanks Rose, just wondering do you have any suggestions as to particular areas I should focus on when describinng my FW in my story?

My Comment MAY 15, 2017 AT 10:43 PM

Hi Elisabeth that’s interesting that you are having difficulty with writing scene direction. I am currently taking a paper where we are learning to write a script and a lot of the writers in this paper are used to narrative writing instead of dramatic writing which my lecturer Andrew has pointed out are two very different things. I understand that like myself you very used to narrative writing where we are used to detailing descriptions whereas dramatic writing in a script or for the screen favors very minimal explanation. From what I understand you are also trying to develop the skill of condensing a rather detailed to description to a few words or even one! Perhaps just have a think about whether its worth noting some details in your scene directions and looking at what you can cut and replace with defining words to get the message across just as effectively. Our lecturer also mentioned that sometimes you don’t even really need to DESCRIBE how an action is performed – this leaves it up to the actor to act out the scene the way they interpret it.

Just a few questions – you have a scene in there with a series of shots. Is this a flashback or dream the character is having? Because if so, do these still need its own scene heading because of the change of scene from the office?

My Comment May 15, 2017 at 11:26 pm

Hi Rosie, your story so far is similar to mine so far in that there is a mother, daughter dynamic and working mother in a busy city. I am trying to establish my character’s personalities, living and working situations right off the bat too! A great read so far and you have stuck accordingly to your story line you planned in the weeks before. I noticed you changed the name of one of your characters from Jodi to Suzie, why’s that? I think for me Jodi carried this imagery of a potential homewrecker and someone vivacious. But that’s just my opinion 🙂

A very good start to you’re piece, I can see that you have decided to slowly ease in the setting in the development so I can’t really comment on your description and such on your fictional world as you are still laying down the foundations 🙂 I also would like to just point out a few minor mistakes that needs to be corrected:

– Capitalize the beginning in one of the dialogue, take off the period after the speech marks and instead insert it within…”the glittery or black ones mommy”.

– The comma after a dialogue is not necessarily needed…”Why thank you, darling”,…The comma however is needed inside the speech marks as Raindrop continues to speak afterwards.

Other than those two that I’ve pointed out, I can’t wait to read more. Keep up the good work!

My Comment May 17, 2017 at 10:15 pm

Hi Elisabeth, thank you for those pointers! I will definitely apply them as I go along with this first draft. I just realised also that it would probably be easier for me to type out my story on word as you have as doing it directly on the site has some limitations in terms of autocorrect and other helpful features word would have in developing my story. Cheers


2 thoughts on “Affinity Group

  1. Hi Teresa,

    I am looking for a second person to be a part of my affinity group and I am having troubling finding people who are up to date and posting similar content to mine, so I am looking at blogs with different content now. I have read your portfolio so far and I was wondering if I could comment on your posts for my affinity group as I am really interested in seeing how your work turns out.



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